I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
