wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
