good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
