I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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