I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
