oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
