they need to just BURY HIM!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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