"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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