Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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