pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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