tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
