Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
operation have a gay friend backfired
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
