Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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