the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
