So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
