My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
