im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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