Your dad touched me again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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