Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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