my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
