when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
