i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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