So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
