Jerry, you need to find god
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
