You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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