the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
