Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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