My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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