70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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