I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to make out with him forever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
