its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
