im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
