Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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