Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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