I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
