Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
