so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
