your parents love me but you hate me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
