Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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