The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
