I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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