We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
