There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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