Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
