Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
