its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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