he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
