forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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