I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can't motorboat a personality
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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