I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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