she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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