Your mouth is God's brothel.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
