Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
