I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
3pm strippers are depressing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
