how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
