you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
