There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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