Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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