At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
