In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
