I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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