Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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