You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize