Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
