i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
