So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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