Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
