Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
