When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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