He kissed a someone with a penis
No subtext here. People are naked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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