he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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