I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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