Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
