I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
