I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
