there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
